I admit it- I have gotten botox twice. The first time was when I was 32, having a huge 'I am 30+, childless, man-less, and still eat cereal from the box for dinner' crisis. I went into the dermatologist to get my annual scan for skin cancer, and complained that I feared I was starting to look "crepey." I thought she would give me some topical lotion, one which I would religiously use for about three weeks, then forget about and toss onto the pile of all the other miracle beauty treatments collecting dust in my bathroom.
Instead, she left the room, only to return with a needle and the directions to 'hold still.'
I left the office, and immediately called every person in my address book to crow about how I had been 'toxed.' I do not think you are supposed to tell people that you have received botox- you are supposed to just demurely lower your eyelashes when someone tells you how great you look for your age- which, really, what does that even mean?
I was the opposite. I would use my botox as a pick up line at bars- "LOOK! NO MOVEMENT!!" I would explain as an opener (and I wondered why I was single).
The second time I went 'under the needle' was recently for my wedding. I wanted my wedding pictures to be as flawless as they could be. At the time, I felt really conflicted about this- my husband thought I looked good, shouldn't I wear my wrinkles with pride too? I did not let myself dwell too much, though, and just swept it under the proverbial emotional carpet as part of my 'bridezilla'-ness.
Now all I see in every picture is the crinkle between my eyes, which has come from concentrating for far too many hours, usually when writing (!!!!) or thinking. The lines in my forehead are directly related to a youth spent at the beach and in a swimming pool. No matter what I smear or slather on my face, my skin does not have the supple tautness I so admire in my 18 year old students.
So I am at a cross roads again- do I give in and botox, as it will make me feel better? Or do I somehow learn to live with, accept and flaunt these signs of ageing?
Women are not valued for their age- we are continuesly on the move to look younger. Why? I know this dilemma is not a new one, or one that a rant will find an answer to.
I just wish, hope, to be a role model- for how to feel comfortable, valued and sexy in myself- no matter what stage of maturation that skin is in.
When I think about my female idols, I do not think of how hot they are / were- it is always their accomplishments, their ideas, their art that I admire and aspire to- no matter what their physical appearance is (though I personally think Gloria Steinem is one of the sexiest and most beautiful women out there, as is Angela Davis). Maybe this should be part of my new crusade- to really emphasize how your looks will age, but the legacy of your work will be timeless.
I looked at my hands today and noticed a huge, prominent age spot. I actually smiled, as it reminded me of two of the most incredible women I had the honor to know- my Grandma Jeanette Weld Otter and my Nonny, Eva Catherine Pucci. Let the crusade begin.
Instead, she left the room, only to return with a needle and the directions to 'hold still.'
I left the office, and immediately called every person in my address book to crow about how I had been 'toxed.' I do not think you are supposed to tell people that you have received botox- you are supposed to just demurely lower your eyelashes when someone tells you how great you look for your age- which, really, what does that even mean?
I was the opposite. I would use my botox as a pick up line at bars- "LOOK! NO MOVEMENT!!" I would explain as an opener (and I wondered why I was single).
The second time I went 'under the needle' was recently for my wedding. I wanted my wedding pictures to be as flawless as they could be. At the time, I felt really conflicted about this- my husband thought I looked good, shouldn't I wear my wrinkles with pride too? I did not let myself dwell too much, though, and just swept it under the proverbial emotional carpet as part of my 'bridezilla'-ness.
Now all I see in every picture is the crinkle between my eyes, which has come from concentrating for far too many hours, usually when writing (!!!!) or thinking. The lines in my forehead are directly related to a youth spent at the beach and in a swimming pool. No matter what I smear or slather on my face, my skin does not have the supple tautness I so admire in my 18 year old students.
So I am at a cross roads again- do I give in and botox, as it will make me feel better? Or do I somehow learn to live with, accept and flaunt these signs of ageing?
Women are not valued for their age- we are continuesly on the move to look younger. Why? I know this dilemma is not a new one, or one that a rant will find an answer to.
I just wish, hope, to be a role model- for how to feel comfortable, valued and sexy in myself- no matter what stage of maturation that skin is in.
When I think about my female idols, I do not think of how hot they are / were- it is always their accomplishments, their ideas, their art that I admire and aspire to- no matter what their physical appearance is (though I personally think Gloria Steinem is one of the sexiest and most beautiful women out there, as is Angela Davis). Maybe this should be part of my new crusade- to really emphasize how your looks will age, but the legacy of your work will be timeless.
I looked at my hands today and noticed a huge, prominent age spot. I actually smiled, as it reminded me of two of the most incredible women I had the honor to know- my Grandma Jeanette Weld Otter and my Nonny, Eva Catherine Pucci. Let the crusade begin.
